12 TIPS KEBAHAGIAAN RUMAHTANGGA
1. Tanya diri sendiri, apa yang patut dibuat untuk mengujudkan suasana damai, gembira dan harmoni dalam keluarga masing-masing. Jawapan bagi soalan ini sudah pasti berbeza antara satu keluarga dengan keluarga yang lain ataupun antara pasangan.
2. Jadilah PEMBERI dalam hubungan perkahwinan. Sentiasa jadi yang pertama untuk membuat sesuatu perkara bagi membuatkan pasangan kita gembira dan rasa dihargai daripada menjadi SANG PEMINTA ataupun sentiasa mengharapkan sesuatu dilakukan oleh pasangannya.
3. Jadilah pendengar yang baik. Sentiasa jadi yang pertama mendengar luahan rasa pasangan, sebelum anda mengarahkan sesuatu atau menyatakan pendapat anda atas apa-apa perkara.
4. Jadilah seorang yang berkesan dalam komunikasi. Ini, berbeza dengan tips ke-3 di atas. Bukan sahaja penting untuk anda mendengar luahan pasangan, tetapi penting juga kaedah komunikasi anda hendaklah mudah difahami oleh pasangan supaya maklumat dapat disampaikan dengan betul. Tidak perlu komunikasi yang panjang berjela, cukup hanya memberi maklumat ringkas tetapi mengandungi point-point yang penting, itu dah dikira sebagai komunikasi yang berkesan. Juga, elakkan ayat yang samar-samar dan perkataan kiasan.
5. Sebagai manusia biasa ciptaan Allah (SWT), pasangan anda tidaklah sempurna 100%, termasuk anda dan juga setiap manusia lain. Jangan letakkan harapan yang terlalu tinggi terhadap sesuatu perkara. Berfikirlah secara 'realistik' dalam apa juga yang anda harapkan dari pasangan.
6. Sentiasa cuba elakkan pertengkaran. Pertikaman lidah tak mendatangkan apa-apa kebaikan dalam hidup berumahtangga, melainkan mengarah kepada perpisahan dan permusuhan belaka. Tambahan pula, masalah takkan dapat diselesaikan dengan pertengkaran. Berbincanglah dengan sabar dan harmoni.
7. Pilih satu hobi yang digemari bersama dan luangkan masa beberapa jam seminggu (sebaiknya pada hujung minggu) menjalankannya bersama-sama. Hobi boleh menyegarkan hidup berkeluarga disamping dapat mengeratkan lagi hubungan antara satu sama lain.
8. Memasak (jangan pula pilih ini sebagai hobi..hehe) bersama ada banyak kelebihan. Anda dapat menunjukkan kepada pasangan yang anda ni jenis suka tolong-menolong dan boleh bergembira mencuba berbagai jenis masakan. Ada saatnya kemesraan dan keintiman timbul apabila masak bersama-sama dan jangan lupa ketawakan hasil masakan anda berdua jika rasanya tak sedap@hancuss..hehe.
9. Sentiasa cari peluang untuk memuji atau menghargai pasangan. Pujian dan penghargaan amat baik kerana ia boleh membantu meningkatkan keyakinan diri pasangan anda.
10. Buatlah perkara-perkara yang boleh mengejutkan(perkara baik sahaja) pasangan anda. Contohnya, belilah satu cermin muka kecil lalu poskan ke tempat kerjanya sebagai hadiah. Sertakan nota kecil di dalam kotak itu dengan tulisan seperti.."Sayang, lihatlah pada cermin ini. Awak akan nampak wanita tercantik sekali dalam dunia..".
11. Hargai setiap saat bersama. Ujudkan suasana romantik dan nikmatilah setiap detik bersama-sama.
12. Nyatakan perasaan sayang anda kepada pasangan. Mungkin dengan mengucapkan kata-kata 'I love U' atau dengan cara lain yang lebih kreatif seperti berpimpin tangan, kucupan dan sebagainya, tapi teruskan ucapkan kata-kata sayang. Lebih kerap anda ucapkan, lebih mekarlah jambangan kasih anda dan pasangan.
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We Argue All the Time! Marriage & Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them Permanently!
Do you and your loved one live in conflict? Do not despair and don't make the mistake that arguing is a sign that you and your partner are doomed. In fact, conflict is more common than you think and no couple, if they are honest, live without conflict. In fact, conflict is not only inevitable but also essential. It is much healthier to have conflict (as long as it's not violent or abusive, of course) than to live in silence, where the dissatisfaction or the resentment or the pain is kept inside and not given a voice.
You need to voice your needs to your partner. And your needs will be different from your partner's. Also, the way you perceive the situation will definitely not be the same way your partner perceives it. Hence the conflict. If handled correctly, conflict actually re-establish a much better, healthier, even more loving atmosphere between you and your partner.
Do not fool yourself that there is someone out there with whom you can live in perfect harmony; 'perfect' harmony only takes place at the beginning, for very interesting psychological reasons; it is inevitable that this will end and some form of conflict will begin, sooner or later.
However, you must learn to utilise conflict in a constructive manner, as a tool to improve your connection with your loved one and not allow it to degenerate into a fight which will only weaken the connection.
What NOT to do:
1 - Do not become confrontational and turn the conflict into a way to offend or directly criticize your loved one. You must never criticize the person, but only the action. For example, don't say: 'you are selfish' but rather 'I feel that this/that action is selfish'; why? Because you want to avoid the other person becoming defensive; defensiveness will prevent them from actually listening to your grievances and will only make them 'hit' back at you (emotionally speaking, not physically, of course).
2 - Do not start blaming each other. The for same reasons highlighted in point 1, if you start pointing fingers you will only achieve that the other person is going to do the same towards you or just retreat in to silence; either ways will kill the communication and the problem will not go away, in fact, it'll get worse because now resentment will have increased. Do not begin your sentences with 'you [do this]' or 'you [did this]' etc (in a critical way) but rather start with 'I feel [...] when [this] happens and I would like us to work on [this] together...' and so on.
3 -Needless to say, never become violent or aggressive in any way. If you have a problem with aggression or even violence you should not even be in a relationship until you have resolved the issues within yourself that make you aggressive. Aggression comes from within and it has nothing to do with the other, no matter how irritating they can be. I hope you know this and, if you don't, I hope you go to a therapist who can help you understand this and accept this.
What TO DO:
1 - Calm Down and Maintain Composure (or Gain Composure)
Keep calm no matter how angry you may feel. If you can't, go out for a few minutes or even hours (tell your partner that you need to calm down before you go out) or just breath deeply until you regain calm. If you yell at your partner you will automatically lose the argument: why? Because she/he will focus on your aggressive or abusive act (your aggressive voice or your patronizing tone etc) rather than listening to what you are trying to convey.
Similarly, if your partner is the one who's out of control, do not allow him/her to inject aggression in the conflict but rather tell him/her that you both need 'time out' to re-establish calm in the situation. Go out if you have to, but never continue a conflict when it's become aggressive (even if just verbally) in any way.
2 - Listen to What Your Partner Has to Say. Listen to her/his pain and connect with that. When they feel listened to, people automatically become calmer and more receptive to constructive communication.
3 - Find a point of mutual agreement and build from there. Even the simplest thing you can agree on as a first step to meeting each other's needs will be extremely important. It will appease both of you and give you a sense of achievement and hope. Next time you can build on it and go to step two, etc.
It will help you greatly if you learn to see the other person's point of view. Once you can see where they are coming from it'll be as if you'd opened a secret door on the brick wall you felt you faced all along.
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Tips on Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts
Have you booked the wedding hall, caterers, and honeymoon tickets? Don't panic. Are there fights, unresolved issues, and threats to delay the wedding date? Are you still deciding who should be allowed to attend? Here are some practical tips on saving your marriage before it starts.
Choose to not cave into pressure from others. Peer pressure is a strong force for teenagers in school or social settings. This same pressure can be felt from friends and family members that are generally concerned for you. Often times there suggestions and advice may lead you farther away from where you desire to be.
Take some time to reflect on your life. How are you doing outside of the marriage partner? If your whole personal life has revolved solely around your betrothed take some time to really think about this. Do some things that do not involve your possible future spouse. It could be just one interest.
Many disagreements are often caused from not being truthful, or two people being present at one event but not seeing it in them same light. It is easier to wholeheartedly accept others when you take responsibility for your life. This always involve becoming the best you can be.
View this as time to work on what you have to offer in a marriage. Are you in debt, overweight, or underemployed? Do you have at least one hobby or interest outside of your future spouse?
If you fight often about money, think about how you look on paper. Take time to work on yourself first. This helps to put problems and challenges into the proper perspective. Fully exploring yourself can help you decide on pursuing your marriage.
Use these tips for saving your marriage before it starts.
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You need to voice your needs to your partner. And your needs will be different from your partner's. Also, the way you perceive the situation will definitely not be the same way your partner perceives it. Hence the conflict. If handled correctly, conflict actually re-establish a much better, healthier, even more loving atmosphere between you and your partner.
Do not fool yourself that there is someone out there with whom you can live in perfect harmony; 'perfect' harmony only takes place at the beginning, for very interesting psychological reasons; it is inevitable that this will end and some form of conflict will begin, sooner or later.
However, you must learn to utilise conflict in a constructive manner, as a tool to improve your connection with your loved one and not allow it to degenerate into a fight which will only weaken the connection.
What NOT to do:
1 - Do not become confrontational and turn the conflict into a way to offend or directly criticize your loved one. You must never criticize the person, but only the action. For example, don't say: 'you are selfish' but rather 'I feel that this/that action is selfish'; why? Because you want to avoid the other person becoming defensive; defensiveness will prevent them from actually listening to your grievances and will only make them 'hit' back at you (emotionally speaking, not physically, of course).
2 - Do not start blaming each other. The for same reasons highlighted in point 1, if you start pointing fingers you will only achieve that the other person is going to do the same towards you or just retreat in to silence; either ways will kill the communication and the problem will not go away, in fact, it'll get worse because now resentment will have increased. Do not begin your sentences with 'you [do this]' or 'you [did this]' etc (in a critical way) but rather start with 'I feel [...] when [this] happens and I would like us to work on [this] together...' and so on.
3 -Needless to say, never become violent or aggressive in any way. If you have a problem with aggression or even violence you should not even be in a relationship until you have resolved the issues within yourself that make you aggressive. Aggression comes from within and it has nothing to do with the other, no matter how irritating they can be. I hope you know this and, if you don't, I hope you go to a therapist who can help you understand this and accept this.
What TO DO:
1 - Calm Down and Maintain Composure (or Gain Composure)
Keep calm no matter how angry you may feel. If you can't, go out for a few minutes or even hours (tell your partner that you need to calm down before you go out) or just breath deeply until you regain calm. If you yell at your partner you will automatically lose the argument: why? Because she/he will focus on your aggressive or abusive act (your aggressive voice or your patronizing tone etc) rather than listening to what you are trying to convey.
Similarly, if your partner is the one who's out of control, do not allow him/her to inject aggression in the conflict but rather tell him/her that you both need 'time out' to re-establish calm in the situation. Go out if you have to, but never continue a conflict when it's become aggressive (even if just verbally) in any way.
2 - Listen to What Your Partner Has to Say. Listen to her/his pain and connect with that. When they feel listened to, people automatically become calmer and more receptive to constructive communication.
3 - Find a point of mutual agreement and build from there. Even the simplest thing you can agree on as a first step to meeting each other's needs will be extremely important. It will appease both of you and give you a sense of achievement and hope. Next time you can build on it and go to step two, etc.
It will help you greatly if you learn to see the other person's point of view. Once you can see where they are coming from it'll be as if you'd opened a secret door on the brick wall you felt you faced all along.
***********************************************************************************
Tips on Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts
Have you booked the wedding hall, caterers, and honeymoon tickets? Don't panic. Are there fights, unresolved issues, and threats to delay the wedding date? Are you still deciding who should be allowed to attend? Here are some practical tips on saving your marriage before it starts.
Choose to not cave into pressure from others. Peer pressure is a strong force for teenagers in school or social settings. This same pressure can be felt from friends and family members that are generally concerned for you. Often times there suggestions and advice may lead you farther away from where you desire to be.
Take some time to reflect on your life. How are you doing outside of the marriage partner? If your whole personal life has revolved solely around your betrothed take some time to really think about this. Do some things that do not involve your possible future spouse. It could be just one interest.
Many disagreements are often caused from not being truthful, or two people being present at one event but not seeing it in them same light. It is easier to wholeheartedly accept others when you take responsibility for your life. This always involve becoming the best you can be.
View this as time to work on what you have to offer in a marriage. Are you in debt, overweight, or underemployed? Do you have at least one hobby or interest outside of your future spouse?
If you fight often about money, think about how you look on paper. Take time to work on yourself first. This helps to put problems and challenges into the proper perspective. Fully exploring yourself can help you decide on pursuing your marriage.
Use these tips for saving your marriage before it starts.
***********************************************************************************
Improving Relationships With Your In-Laws
Relationships take time to adjust whether it's between friends, lovers, married couples and in-laws. No relationship is perfect because it is natural for it to go through some high and low points.Marital ties are no exception. It may start on a good note but through the years, it goes through bumps along the way.
Another relationship tied to marriage that also follows the same trend is that between the spouse and his or her in-laws. This is a common problem area which many marriage counselors acknowledge. It does not necessarily follow that if a couple has a positive relationship, their ties with the in-laws will also be the same.
There are couples who find their in-laws a threat to their marriage. This can be attributed to the domineering behavior of the in-laws such as the mother or a sibling or perhaps a very close tie of the other spouse to his family.
However, it can also be the other way around wherein the spouse is the domineering attitude in their marriage that in-laws don't approve of. As such, this can lead the in-laws to dislike the spouse of their child.
It's never easy to belong to a new family especially if there are doubts involved. But there are ways to make your in-law relationship a healthy and eventually a fruitful one. This is always possible if you are committed to establishing a good relationship with the family of your spouse.
Tip number one is to know how to get along with the family members. You have to initiate the effort in order to start interacting with them. It won't hurt to be nice even if you're worried they might not respond to you. Just stay positive and don't be discouraged.
If you'd like to be appreciated, then show them respect and be civil. This not only applies to the wives but even to the husbands. It's a fact that not all people like each other but when you're the first to take a positive action, it can influence other people to do the same. Respect is earned, remember?
The next step is to always prioritize your very own family. This means your spouse and children. Nobody should be allowed to meddle in your marriage unless physical violence is involved. The decisions you make should be based on you and your spouse's judgment and not influenced by your in-laws.
In situations where the spouse puts his or her parent or sibling ahead of his partner, resentments are bound to occur. This may lead to depression and a feeling of inferiority. So since you're already married, make it a point to focus on the family you've created above anybody else.
However, should you feel the need to consult a professional, don't hesitate to go through marriage and family counseling together with your spouse. In-law relationships may negatively impact a marriage in one way or another and sometimes, couples face adjustment problems because of this. If this issue continues to bug you and your spouse, it may be well worth it to undergo marriage and family counseling to find solutions in helping you improve your relationships.
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The Basics of Keeping Your Man Happy
You love your husband to death, but sometimes you wonder just how you can help him. He works hard for you and the kids day after day and you want to be sure he knows just how much you appreciate him. And of course, you want to keep him happy and pleasant to be around when he's at home!
Don't worry, it's really not hard to keep your man happy and content - at least while he's at home. Remember you can't really control his happiness or his stress outside of the home. But you can do a lot at home to show your appreciation for him and give him a comforting home.
First, if you have children, you need to get them under control. I'm not saying that you have wild, uncontrollable children (if you do, you really need to take control). But your husband is going to feel frazzled and stressed if he goes from the office to the house - where he's met by screaming, melting down children (or sullen, moody children).
Come to think of it, you feel stressed and frazzled by screaming, melting down children! Take the time to study child rearing and learn how to be in charge of your kids. Remember, you're the mom. You are the one in charge of the kids - they're not here to run all over you! Your man will end up taking care of some discipline - that's part of parenting. But try to get the children doing well with listening and doing what they're supposed to be doing so your husband can come home and enjoy the family.
Next, forget about all the things your husband is supposed to be doing around the house. That's right. Just let go of all of that. If he's supposed to take out the trash and it's overflowing, don't nag him. You just take it out. And focus on how glad you are that the trash is empty with a fresh bag in it - don't think grumpy thoughts about how he should have taken it out.
You'll find that as you stop having a million expectations of him you'll enjoy your husband more. You may also notice that he starts doing things for you - without you ever having to nag. Some men may never really get up and do a whole lot. Blame his mother and stop nagging him. It will be much easier for you to ask for help with something you really need if you haven't been nagging him about a hundred other things all day.
Now they say that a key to a man's heart is through his stomach, and this is very true. Your man will stay happy if you keep him well fed. That means making food he likes. Don't leave him to "fend for himself" every night. It's easy to master basic casseroles and slow-cooker meals. As a bonus, most men love these meals. Learning to make burgers, baked chicken, and pan-fried steaks is also easy and again, many men love these things. If your man has special dietary needs or preferences, you should honor these. Cook what he can eat. Teach your children to enjoy and appreciate what he can eat. A man with a full stomach is truly a happy man.
Finally, keep your man happy in the bedroom. Get a few less headaches and be a little more willing to say "yes." A big hint is to focus on keeping him happy - if you do so you will find that your own pleasure increases and you'll have more fun, too!
These few simple tips will really help you keep your husband happy and more relaxed. He'll still have stress from work and other outside commitments to deal with, but you'll know that your home life is supportive and relaxing (most of the time). Your man will love you and cherish you in return.***********************************************************************************
Secrets to a Successful Marriage
Another relationship tied to marriage that also follows the same trend is that between the spouse and his or her in-laws. This is a common problem area which many marriage counselors acknowledge. It does not necessarily follow that if a couple has a positive relationship, their ties with the in-laws will also be the same.
There are couples who find their in-laws a threat to their marriage. This can be attributed to the domineering behavior of the in-laws such as the mother or a sibling or perhaps a very close tie of the other spouse to his family.
However, it can also be the other way around wherein the spouse is the domineering attitude in their marriage that in-laws don't approve of. As such, this can lead the in-laws to dislike the spouse of their child.
It's never easy to belong to a new family especially if there are doubts involved. But there are ways to make your in-law relationship a healthy and eventually a fruitful one. This is always possible if you are committed to establishing a good relationship with the family of your spouse.
Tip number one is to know how to get along with the family members. You have to initiate the effort in order to start interacting with them. It won't hurt to be nice even if you're worried they might not respond to you. Just stay positive and don't be discouraged.
If you'd like to be appreciated, then show them respect and be civil. This not only applies to the wives but even to the husbands. It's a fact that not all people like each other but when you're the first to take a positive action, it can influence other people to do the same. Respect is earned, remember?
The next step is to always prioritize your very own family. This means your spouse and children. Nobody should be allowed to meddle in your marriage unless physical violence is involved. The decisions you make should be based on you and your spouse's judgment and not influenced by your in-laws.
In situations where the spouse puts his or her parent or sibling ahead of his partner, resentments are bound to occur. This may lead to depression and a feeling of inferiority. So since you're already married, make it a point to focus on the family you've created above anybody else.
However, should you feel the need to consult a professional, don't hesitate to go through marriage and family counseling together with your spouse. In-law relationships may negatively impact a marriage in one way or another and sometimes, couples face adjustment problems because of this. If this issue continues to bug you and your spouse, it may be well worth it to undergo marriage and family counseling to find solutions in helping you improve your relationships.
***********************************************************************************
The Basics of Keeping Your Man Happy
You love your husband to death, but sometimes you wonder just how you can help him. He works hard for you and the kids day after day and you want to be sure he knows just how much you appreciate him. And of course, you want to keep him happy and pleasant to be around when he's at home!
Don't worry, it's really not hard to keep your man happy and content - at least while he's at home. Remember you can't really control his happiness or his stress outside of the home. But you can do a lot at home to show your appreciation for him and give him a comforting home.
First, if you have children, you need to get them under control. I'm not saying that you have wild, uncontrollable children (if you do, you really need to take control). But your husband is going to feel frazzled and stressed if he goes from the office to the house - where he's met by screaming, melting down children (or sullen, moody children).
Come to think of it, you feel stressed and frazzled by screaming, melting down children! Take the time to study child rearing and learn how to be in charge of your kids. Remember, you're the mom. You are the one in charge of the kids - they're not here to run all over you! Your man will end up taking care of some discipline - that's part of parenting. But try to get the children doing well with listening and doing what they're supposed to be doing so your husband can come home and enjoy the family.
Next, forget about all the things your husband is supposed to be doing around the house. That's right. Just let go of all of that. If he's supposed to take out the trash and it's overflowing, don't nag him. You just take it out. And focus on how glad you are that the trash is empty with a fresh bag in it - don't think grumpy thoughts about how he should have taken it out.
You'll find that as you stop having a million expectations of him you'll enjoy your husband more. You may also notice that he starts doing things for you - without you ever having to nag. Some men may never really get up and do a whole lot. Blame his mother and stop nagging him. It will be much easier for you to ask for help with something you really need if you haven't been nagging him about a hundred other things all day.
Now they say that a key to a man's heart is through his stomach, and this is very true. Your man will stay happy if you keep him well fed. That means making food he likes. Don't leave him to "fend for himself" every night. It's easy to master basic casseroles and slow-cooker meals. As a bonus, most men love these meals. Learning to make burgers, baked chicken, and pan-fried steaks is also easy and again, many men love these things. If your man has special dietary needs or preferences, you should honor these. Cook what he can eat. Teach your children to enjoy and appreciate what he can eat. A man with a full stomach is truly a happy man.
Finally, keep your man happy in the bedroom. Get a few less headaches and be a little more willing to say "yes." A big hint is to focus on keeping him happy - if you do so you will find that your own pleasure increases and you'll have more fun, too!
These few simple tips will really help you keep your husband happy and more relaxed. He'll still have stress from work and other outside commitments to deal with, but you'll know that your home life is supportive and relaxing (most of the time). Your man will love you and cherish you in return.
Secrets to a Successful Marriage
Approximately fifty percent of all marriages in America end in divorce. For the other fifty percent, there is no guarantee that their marriages are happy, thriving ones.Where then can we look for a model of happy marriages?
John Gottman, a psychologist known for his work on relationships and marital stability, can accurately predict which couples will end in divorce with 94% accuracy just by observing them. In his quest to find the secrets to healthy long-term marriages, said "I was not able to crack the code to saving marriages until I started to analyse what went right in happy marriages." Shifting the focus from what is going wrong to what is going right is the first step to attaining happiness.
Happily married couples (those that have been together for 30, 40, 50+ years) seem to have one common answer when asked about the secret of their successful commitment together. The reply almost always sounds like this: they married their best friend.
Being able to share your most intimate dreams, goals and fears with your life partner brings you closer together and allows both partners to feel understood. Imagine always being around your best friend, feeling understood, and having access to unlimited support. This is what an ideal marriage (or relationship) can feel like with a little effort.
In fact, another common response from happy couples is that they constantly work to improve their relationship. This can mean many things to many people. Here are a few suggestions:
- Try to find out something new about your partner.
- Share something about yourself that your partner doesn't know.
- Do more activities together.
- Ritualize a date together on a weekly or monthly basis.
- Find common goals and encourage each other to attain them together.
Focus on those little things that you appreciate about them and let them know about it. All too often we tend to focus on the negatives and lose sight of the positives. Appreciation can go a long way to increase the quality of a relationship. Don't limit yourself to just telling them how you appreciate them: show them. Prepare a special little action that says what words can't. An unexpected bouquet of flowers, or loving note left under their pillow are fun ways to let them feel your gratitude.
Conflicts are an inevitable part of any healthy relationship. Learning how to deal with conflicts can actually be an opportunity for growth and build resilience within the relationship. During conflicts, we have an opportunity to know more about the inner feelings of our partner and therefore, get closer to them. In fact, having no conflict in a relationship is often a sign that something is wrong.
Being able to express your true feelings instead of repressing them is an important part of a healthy relationship. Utilizing proper social skills and communication skills is the secret to effectively dealing with and benefiting from a conflict. Here then are a few tips for handling conflicts:
- Express your point of view in an assertive (as opposed to aggressive) way.
- Let your partner express their point of view (active listening).
- Criticize the behaviour not the person.
- Negotiate a compromise (if possible).
- Learn from the experience.
Following these suggestions from couples whom have succeeded at bettering the quality of their relationships over time is a great way for a relationship to flourish and continue growing for years to come. In fact, the closer you become as a couple, the more resilient and happier you will be, and it is more likely that your relationship will thrive.
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Is Your Sexless Marriage Driving You Crazy?
Are you living miserably in a sexless marriage that's driving you crazy? Are you about ready to go looking outside the marriage for the sex and intimacy you need? Then you have to stop and think clearly before you start up an affair you might very well live to regret. Believe it, having an affair and cheating on your spouse is a serious thing that really could end your marriage.
Now, let's be clear about this - there are very few and far between reasons why it's acceptable to live in a sexless marriage. It's healthy and natural for two people, who are married to each other to have sex with each other as often and as regularly as they BOTH want to.
Sex in a marriage can build intimacy, communication and it can also cement and confirm a deep love between a couple.
So Why Are You In a Sexless Marriage?
There's a reason that your marriage is the sexless marriage it is and you have to find out why that is to move forward. Are there medical reasons that you and your spouse aren't having sex? If that is the case then you both need to go to your doctor and discuss the situation.
Often there's medication your doctor can either change or give that will help, so don't dismiss that as a solution. If the situation is a mental or an emotional one, then again, talk to your doctor about what's going on.
Perhaps you and your spouse agreed to a sexless marriage and you've now changed your mind? Or maybe you never really made an agreement, you just went along with it and never had the courage to speak up?
It could be that you've found yourself in this sexless marriage because over time the physical side of your marriage just slowed down and dwindled to nothing. If that's the case then you have to make the effort to get your sex life back on the way to a place that is satisfactory for both of you.
Have You Talked to Your Spouse?
If you're in a sexless marriage you really do need to talk to your spouse about how you're feeling and how the two of you can go forward to improve things.
Your spouse could very well be feeling and thinking the same things you're feeling, but doesn't know how to bring up the subject of your sexless marriage because they don't want to hurt your feelings or put pressure on you.
Find Time To Be Together!
If your situation is because you're both too busy, then you need to make the time to be with your partner and vice versa. Arrange for the kids to go to family and friends for the night, arrange a date for you and your spouse and get dressed up and make a fuss over your spouse, take the afternoon off work and get home early!
Whatever you need to do to save your marriage do it! Because the reality is that if you don't change your marriage and start having more sex with your spouse, you will have an affair. And an affair could spell the end of your marriage. If you love your spouse and want to stay married, then sort this out today!
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22 Questions For Anyone Who Wants a Happier Marriage
Now, let's be clear about this - there are very few and far between reasons why it's acceptable to live in a sexless marriage. It's healthy and natural for two people, who are married to each other to have sex with each other as often and as regularly as they BOTH want to.
Sex in a marriage can build intimacy, communication and it can also cement and confirm a deep love between a couple.
So Why Are You In a Sexless Marriage?
There's a reason that your marriage is the sexless marriage it is and you have to find out why that is to move forward. Are there medical reasons that you and your spouse aren't having sex? If that is the case then you both need to go to your doctor and discuss the situation.
Often there's medication your doctor can either change or give that will help, so don't dismiss that as a solution. If the situation is a mental or an emotional one, then again, talk to your doctor about what's going on.
Perhaps you and your spouse agreed to a sexless marriage and you've now changed your mind? Or maybe you never really made an agreement, you just went along with it and never had the courage to speak up?
It could be that you've found yourself in this sexless marriage because over time the physical side of your marriage just slowed down and dwindled to nothing. If that's the case then you have to make the effort to get your sex life back on the way to a place that is satisfactory for both of you.
Have You Talked to Your Spouse?
If you're in a sexless marriage you really do need to talk to your spouse about how you're feeling and how the two of you can go forward to improve things.
Your spouse could very well be feeling and thinking the same things you're feeling, but doesn't know how to bring up the subject of your sexless marriage because they don't want to hurt your feelings or put pressure on you.
Find Time To Be Together!
If your situation is because you're both too busy, then you need to make the time to be with your partner and vice versa. Arrange for the kids to go to family and friends for the night, arrange a date for you and your spouse and get dressed up and make a fuss over your spouse, take the afternoon off work and get home early!
Whatever you need to do to save your marriage do it! Because the reality is that if you don't change your marriage and start having more sex with your spouse, you will have an affair. And an affair could spell the end of your marriage. If you love your spouse and want to stay married, then sort this out today!
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22 Questions For Anyone Who Wants a Happier Marriage
It is a fact that if a person truly wants to enjoy improvements in their life and in their marriage, they must make positive shifts in their way of thinking and operating.
But, before that can happen, they must become aware of what shifts they need to make. And sometimes, all a person needs is a few simple questions...questions that help them see themselves in a new and different way...and then they are able to make the shifts that produce MAJOR improvements in their life.
Knowing this, consider these questions in relation to you, your spouse, and your marriage:
1. Whose efforts do I depend upon to get what I want?
2. Do I need my spouse in order to get what I want?
3. Is the satisfaction and fulfillment that I desire dependent upon my spouse?
4. Is my physical, financial, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual well-being tied to my spouse?
5. Do I believe my spouse is obligated to take care of me?
6. Is it my belief that my spouse should come through for me when I want something...without any effort on my part?
7. Do I blame my spouse for the results, conditions, and circumstances in my life?
8. Do I require the support of others...which gives them license to control me?
9. Who does my thinking for me?
10.Who drives my actions? Do I act of my own volition...or am I acted upon by others?
11.Who do I get my direction from?
12.Who do I expect to validate me?
13.Who is it that I primarily rely upon?
14.How cooperative with others am I?
15.How clear am I on what I want out of my marriage?
16.How clear am I on what my spouse wants out of our marriage?
17.How clear am I on what my spouse and I want together out of our marriage?
18.Do I consider my spouse's talents and abilities to be threats or allies?
19.Am I a person of integrity, power, strength, and courage?
20.Does my behavior indicate a belief that I must manipulate people into giving me what I want?
21.Does my mode of operation reveal a belief that I must use available "assets" as leverage...as weapons...to get what I want?
22.How much energy do I give to my spouses weaknesses, failures, and flaws?
Here's an eye-opening exercise you can try; on a piece of paper, write down the major frustrations you are experiencing in your marriage. Then, reference each frustration against these 22 questions.
What did you find out?
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